I don't know how some days feel so long and yet babies seem to grow so quickly.
I still hold him like a baby, kiss him like a baby, snuggle him like a baby and will always look into those big blue eyes and see my baby.
He is everything I had prayed for and dreamed of in a little boy. He wrestles with me. He snuggles with me. He gives me all the hugs and kisses I could ask for. He runs everywhere, and into everything. He doesn’t treat many things with gentle fingers, and likes to see how far he can throw anything and everything.
If you know anything about our story it is that each little positive pregnancy test has brought us to our knees daily in prayer that that little life would stick. The prayer every night would go something like this: God your will is bigger and greater then any dream I could have for us, our family, and I trust you with this life. I ask that I get to hold it just one more day, that it gets to grow and thrive for one more day. That I get to see it with my own eyes, pink and healthy, one day. I asked for one more day because you can’t think much further then that or the anxiety begins. And that’s okay, all I needed was on more day, because the next day I would plead Him for one more.
I got to see his big blue eyes in person at thirty nine weeks, count his ten fingers and ten toes. I got to hold him after birth for as long as I wanted, feed him, smell him, rejoice in his life.
I suppose what surprises me the most two years later is that the prayer I prayed daily while he grew in my stomach, while E grew there over four years ago, is the same prayer I pray over them still. Because life is so fleeting. That prayer may show the fear that lies in my heart of losing them. But He is a big God, who asks that I come to Him with that which causes worry, and anxiety. And so I will l continue to. I will continue to trust His plan is bigger than mine. I will continue to soak it in and rejoice in these little lives that show me a little piece of Heaven, a little sliver of what our Saviors love for us looks and feels like, an opportunity to serve them and instill in them the love for a God who is good, and worthy of our praise.