"Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I cherish every moment and realize that the wonderment growing inside me is the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle." - Erma Bombeck
Twenty nine weeks pregnant and no serious complications. This little bundle bean has been “measuring” on ultrasounds over a week big and I am feeling it. I have been feeling so much better since about twenty weeks, with very little sickness, very little heartburn or stomach issues. Which spiked at about twenty-four weeks with Evie and were a bit overwhelming. I am so thankful they aren’t around this time. Instead I am exhausted by mid-day, which of course has the world to do with the beauty I hold in my arms in the pictures below. She keeps me active, moving around and off the couch, which is actually to my benefit. Being exhausted by the afternoon is a bit of a blessing because then sleep comes easily. It hasn’t been staying though, I wake up and am wide awake, which is just part of this beautiful process.
It is so hard to imagine in two months or so we will, God willing, have this little boy in our arms. It just seems so close and so soon. I have waited and prayed for a son. I don’t know why my heart was set on a boy since I was young. When Evelyn Faye joined our lives I would not have changed anything about her, and still wouldn’t. When I look at her I see a help-mate, I see a little nurturer, always looking for ways to take care of anything smaller than herself. God knows what the next few years of our lives hold and if they hold lots more babies, our own or taking in through adoption, I know I have been blessed with a man who will support me and an eldest daughter who will help me along the way.
But the excitement for a little boy, this little boy, grows stronger everyday. I can’t wait to see the man who God has created him to be. My prayers are that he is courageous, that he will be a warrior for those who do not have the strength to fight, that he will see injustice and fight for it to be made right. That he feels a heavy burden for God’s glory to be seen throughout the earth. I feel like it sounds strange to say I pray for a burden on my son, but I believe that it is this heaviness that keeps our eyes to Heaven, to a God who is big, sovereign and full of an amazing and everlasting love. Lastly I pray for grace, for me, for him, for B, for Evie… that God’s grace will flood our home. That on the days, that impatience, strife, frustration, disagreement and ideal perfection, find a way into our home God’s grace will be there to cover each of our lives. So that scars don’t grow, and walls aren’t put up. I want our home to be a safe haven, so when mistakes are made honesty and confession come easily followed with unconditional love, a few tears, and His amazing and unending grace.
Capturing this time in the pregnancy is not my favorite. I do not feel like there is a pregnancy glow about me. I didn’t do my hair, I changed my shirt three times and regret wearing the jeans I wore… don’t even ask why. But I hope when he pages through these pictures in the future, maybe only once or maybe a million times, he sees the love and complete adoration we have for him even though we have yet to see him. He has a part of my soul and even though I can’t wait for the day we will see him I am not quite ready for him to be apart from me quite yet. He can stay a little longer, keep me company a bit more, make nights harder to sleep, food harder to eat, walking harder to do, bending over completely impossible, but his company is still welcomed. His presence is still longed for and it will be greatly missed once he decides to enter the world. I look forward to that day with great anticipation but I look forward to today and all the kicks he will give me to remind me of his presence just the same.